Movie Review: Ocean’s 8

You had to know that eventually they would go there. Bereft of fresh ideas for movies, Hollywood has taken the lazy way out; churning out super hero movie franchises, endless sequels, prequels, remakes and reboots.

Having squeezed just about the last drop of water from that, studio suits must have given the writers the marching order to come up with something original or at least; slightly different from the usual fare.

I can imagine at a meeting to discuss ideas for a movie, writers munching on pizzas and throwing ideas back and forth until someone hit an epiphany: “How about we make an all-female crew heist movie?” “Yes! Yes! Something along the lines of Ocean’s 11?” “Heck, we could even make it about Danny Ocean’s sister no one knew about” “And here’s the kicker, we cast America’s sweetheart to lead the crew”. “You klutz! Julia Roberts was in Ocean’s Twelve”. “Not that sweetheart, the other one!” “Sandy? You mean Sandra Bullock? I think we’ve got something here!”

And thus, most likely, was born Ocean’s 8 which opens with Debbie Ocean (Sandra Bullock) at her parole hearing looking like a cross between Alanis Morissette and Sofia Boutella’s Ahmanet from The Mummy (sans the facial markings).

Apparently, a life of crime is deeply etched in the Ocean family DNA (except for some aunt) as with only $45 to her name upon release from prison, Debbie gets right back into the criminal life with impressive confidence tricks pulled off on Bergdorf and an upscale hotel.

Whilst cooling off her heels behind bars for art fraud, she had obviously spent less time mourning her deceased older brother, Danny, and more time planning an elaborate heist at New York’s famous Met Gala (pronounced “Gahla” and not “Gayla”).

In keeping with today’s political correctness and Hollywood’s inclusiveness and diversity, her crew for the heist reflects the prevalent conventional wisdom.

There is the Caucasian quota represented by Danny, Rose Weil (Helena Bonham-Carter, looking less the gothic weirdo characters she favours), Lou (Cate Blanchett) and Tammy (Sarah Paulson). And there was, of course, the minority representations of the black variety and Asian persuasions in Nine Ball (Rihanna), Amita (Mindy Kaling), Constance (Awkwafina) and the Amazing Yen (Shaobo Qin).

The movie’s first hour was slow and boring setting up the crew to carry out the heist. The heist itself was to steal a $150m Cartier necklace to be worn to the Met Gala by the ditzy actress co-host of the event, Daphne Kluger (Anne Hathaway).

But try as it did (and if we are being really honest, it didn’t even try), the movie did not have the verve of the Stephen Soderbergh-directed Ocean movies. New York (surprisingly and perhaps, understandably) lacked the ultra-glitzy casino glamour of Las Vegas.

The back and forth exchanges between George Clooney’s (Danny Ocean) and Brad Pit’s (Rusty Ryan) which is vital to the enjoyment of this heist franchise was not replicated between Bullock’s Debbie and Blanchett’s Lou.

And then there was the execution of the heist itself. It lacked spunk, felt hurried (in resolution) and did not really leave you curling your toes with your teeth set on edge and reeling from an adrenalin rush.

It almost felt laid back like a lady taking dainty high-heeled steps to cross the road as the traffic light is about to turn green. Where a man would make a mad dash across the road, a lady would just walk instead, uninspired to run both by the notion that it would be unlady-like to do so and the expectation that drivers would be patient enough to let her cross over.

In terms of performance, the real standout was Anne Hathaway’s Daphne. She played her ditzy actress with a believability that was both flawless and funny. Her eventual reveal added a pleasant twist to the movie.

For me, the problem with Ocean’s 8 can be likened to what has got to be the curse of the heist for career criminals who do it strictly for the thrill of the ride. If your career as a conman is fueled strictly by the art of the steal rather than the commerce, there is invariably a limited number of heist jobs that will truly satisfy your cravings. When you have done it all, the thrill diminishes and everything else just seems to go downhill from there on.

We have had 3 Ocean’s movies and this fourth one (albeit tried to flip the script with an all-female crew) really can’t steal the fact that the thrill is gone. Anything else from here on out is commerce, not art. 5/10